5 Tips to Set Healthy Boundaries this New Year
"I need some 'me' time, but I felt so pressured to say yes to everyone and now I have social commitments lined up every day of the week!" "I wanted to attend my friend's wedding but my boss expects me to chair an important meeting and I don't know how to turn him down."
Relatable? Situations like these are common amongst our peers and draw attention to how we can better set boundaries. Here are 5 tips you can practice to set healthy boundaries!
Be aware of your boundaries
“Know thyself”. Be clear on what you need and what is genuinely valuable and a priority for you. It all starts there. It's hard to let others know what your boundaries are if you aren't aware and clear of those boundaries yourself. While some boundaries will need to be refined after trial and error, spend some time thinking about your needs and wants, and how you can address them. This will help you figure out when to say yes and when to say no. For example, how much time do you need to practice self care and recharge? Will you feel too drained if you commit to social events 4 times this week?
Don't be afraid to say "no"
In the process of setting boundaries, you are going to have to turn down some requests. It may feel uncomfortable to say no to others, but don't let that stop you from drawing the line. As long as you explain your reasons for turning them down, most people will be understanding - after all, the need for setting boundaries is something we can all relate to.
Set clear expectations from the start
Communicate your boundaries early - first impressions are hard to change! Take the scenario of a group project. If you have many deadlines pending and know that you will not be able to help with the project on certain days, let your group mates know early instead of committing and stressing yourself out. This also helps others feel comfortable in working with you - firstly, they do not have to guess at how much they can ask of you and secondly, they feel at ease being forthcoming about their own boundaries.
Pay attention to the little things
Sometimes, people are shocked and react negatively when you assert your boundaries. This may be because boundaries were not set consistently. For example, if you are afraid to set boundaries with your colleagues and have been extremely indulgent with your time when it comes to choosing work over family, your colleagues may feel blindsided when you need to take a step back to care for a critically ill family member.
If you consistently reinforce your boundaries through small reminders such as “sorry, it’s after work hours so I’ll settle this tomorrow!” or “I have a family event tonight, I’ll work on this matter tomorrow,” your colleagues will not expect you to prioritise work over your family.
Be flexible and recognise the need for exceptions
As much as you may try to set aside one day for self-care or refrain from replying to work-related emails while with your family, there will always be the occasional urgent matter that you find yourself making an exception for. Recognise the need for such exceptions and take a flexible mindset. That way, when an exceptional circumstance arises, we don’t feel stressed about bending our boundaries. In being flexible, remember to stick by your principles and values. If you want to prioritise family over work, be careful not to keep making exceptions such that work eventually takes precedence over family.
Setting boundaries is essential to maintaining a balance in life, whether between work and family, or time with others and time or yourself. The skill of setting boundaries also helps us remove ourselves from uncomfortable situations. Like any other skill, this gets easier with practice - so constantly be mindful of your boundaries and how you reinforce them!